Broadcasting Ban
[Monologue]
Gerry Adams today, Gerry Adams tomorrow, I was him last week too. What a job. I mean him not me. Week in and week out he gives me work. I mean not him himself but his being him, existing I mean, him existing I mean. I exist. Tough job.
I suppose some schmuggins has to do it - that’s a not a real word, I know, schmuck – from the movies; muggins, I don’t know where that’s from - But anyway someone has to do it.
Any job.
I’ll do Martin too of course but I’m more of a Gerry man myself. A Gerrymander maybe! [Make a face here like it’s a bad joke or some ironic expression.]
… Not really my choice. But now I come to mind first, “There’s your man over there, your Gerry man, your Gerrymander.” and now I feel like a specialist – a specialist Mr. Adams.
The thing is, it’s not actually him that I’m being … Well of course it’s not, I mean, everyone knows that, that basic thing: suspending the disbelievers and all that ... [Make an action like you have a noose round your neck or something, but smile too to show that you know it’s not that.] … we all know that. But that’s not what I mean I don’t mean the usual thing: not actually being him thing, while trying to be him, it’s that I’m supposed to not be trying to be him. Being him while trying not to be him.
It’s not allowed to actually try to be him. And it’s not some sort of “un-him” thing either, like the opposite of him that somehow is more him than him himself: it’s there but not there and it's the “not-there-ness” that makes it there – it’s not that stuff. No, simple: you are not being Gerry even when you are being him. That’s the one rule you have to stick to.
So, it’s not acting as Gerry. Like Kirk Douglas was acting as Spartacus, “hey get out the way or I’ll stab you with this sword, ya bastard” [make a stabbing gesture here or something] – that’s acting, he’s being Spartacus and meaning it - then a whole bunch of them pretended to be him too, not Douglas but Spartacus: ‘I’m Spartacus, I’m Spartacus’ [you can do this in a couple different voices if you can] and all that. But they were not playing the part of Spartacus they were just pretending to be him to mess with the minds of the Roman guards, which sort of worked, sort of. That was acting, that was acting in the story though – actors acting as gladiators then those gladiators pretend-acting as Spartacus. Anyway, Douglas was just acting as Spartacus – with that dimple and everything – I know! Did Spartacus have a dimple like that? He never knew him – missed each other by about 2000 years or something.
Whereas I know Gerry – we all do - from the TV, he’s on all the time. And in this job there is no acting although you have to be an actor to do it, or maybe at least to get the job you have to be an actor, yes you don't actually have to be an actor to do the job but if say you were a … [At this point look round the room and list some jobs, but not too many - 3 or 4 say.] … then probably you’ll not get the job, as they’ll not know to come and ask you if you want to give it a go – although you might be better at it than me.
[Notes from Wikipedia: From October 1988 to September 1994 the voices of representatives from Sinn Féin and several Irish republican and loyalist groups were banned by the British government from being broadcast on television and radio in the United Kingdom. The restrictions, announced by the Home Secretary, Douglas Hurd, on 19 October 1988, covered eleven organisations based in Northern Ireland and followed a heightened period of violence in the history of the Troubles, as well as the government's belief in a need to prevent Sinn Féin from using the media for political advantage. Broadcasters quickly found ways around the ban, chiefly by dubbing the voice of anyone who was prevented from speaking with the voice of an actor. Elected Members of Parliament such as Gerry Adams and Martin McGuiness were directly affected by the ban.]